Major Payne’s Pet Menagerie: Clock’em

January 3rd by Crithto

My oh my, don’t you all look like a hot, plump mess! I see you’ve been in the figgy pudding and wolfing down way too many holiday treats. Your apathetic attitudes toward getting in shape and becoming true champions of Pet Battles is quite concerning. And given that it’s my job to whip you into said shape, I guess I need to step it up once again. Get ready for some Payne!

Put down the bandages and biscuits and tuck your pets away nice and safe, because where you’re headed there are rules: 1) No talking about where you’re going. 2) No seriously, NO talking about where you’re going! 3) If you scream “Stop!”, chances are the fight’s not over. Quit your crying and get back in there! 4) Only two beings are allowed in the ring at any given time—which, by the way, is why the referee hovers over the arena floor. 5) You may think you’re tough, but only one fight at a time is permitted. 6) No win, no glory! 7) Fights are likely to go on a lot longer than you think, and chances are you’ll die if it takes a while. 8) If this is your first time inside the arena, you have to fight or the rest of us will mock you for the rest of your life. Who am I kidding? I’ll be doing that anyway!

Got all that? Good. Now head to the Brawler’s Guild and get your fight on! For those of you who don’t have a ticket to get in . . . slackers! You’ll need to go get one by either killing rarely seen mobs on Pandaria, or—come closer—by visiting the Black Market Auction House. Shh!!

My favorite four-legged brawler friend has more.


Crithto: Once you’re a member of the Brawler’s Guild, you’ll need to take down 12 very capable and difficult opponents. At that point, you’ll be Rank 4, which then allows you to take possession of Clock’em. Stick around and work your way to a higher rank if you want to show Payne you’re determined, but this motorized pet is the goal of this week’s exercise. With Clock’em on your team, you’ll have a formidable mechanical companion who can quickly get the upper hand with Overtune and Haymaker. A word of caution: if you have Clock’em and he’s wearing spiked gloves, watch your back!

Roll yourself off the couch and let’s see what you got! Personally, being the only person on Azeroth who’s reached Rank 11 feels pretty good, but in your condition, I’m thinking you won’t make it make it past Rank 1.


Come join the discussion about this pet in our Pet Battles forum. You can also learn more about Clock'em by visiting